No, That's Not What Happened At All

I worry a lot and I do it well. I have literally driven myself to tears, worrying about things that could happen, yet never did. A favorite quote of mine goes something like this, “I know that worry works, 90% of what I worry about never happens.” I like to think that all my worry has some sort of talisman effect on my life to prevent all the bad stuff from popping up.


In case you want to know some of the weird things that I worry about, I am including a few snippets here. (Please note that I have only included extreme examples and that I should not be considered crazy)

• When I wear a dress, I worry that my skirt will blow up just as board a train full of people, and everyone will laugh at my underpants, cellulite, or both. You know- the granny panties and all.

• I worry quite a lot about pepper, etc. being stuck in my teeth without anyone telling me.

• Ditto on my nose and boogers.

• I also have a paralyzing fear that when I die, that the morgue workers will use me for bizarre experiments. I can’t really explain it other than I always think of the Bugs Bunny cartoon where the guy makes the frog dance, by moving its legs. I know, I know, but I can just see it…. “Hello my darling, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal….” and me flopping all around, dead to the world. Literally.

• I also worry that I have contracted rare diseases that I see on television. After watching, I am almost always convinced that I have the exact symptoms and that I should seek immediate medical attention. K tries to limit my medical television watching for that very reason.

• Sometimes I worry that if my part of the earth ends catastrophically, like say, Pompeii, that I will be frozen in volcanic ash doing something embarrassing like sitting on the toilet and future scientists will ponder and postulate about my last few minutes, wondering what the ancient connection was for Cosmo and bathrooms.

So, as you can clearly see, while worry has kept all these terrible things at bay, the 10% of trouble that has come to pass has been of the sort that I could deal with, though perhaps I didn’t think so at the time. As I grow older, I can more clearly see the wisdom of the old proverb, “One day at a time,” and I understand more and more the scriptural admonition, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matt 6:34)

I am here to live each day as it comes, to enjoy my blessings and to pass on my joy to others. Each day is its own testing ground, its own trial, and bringing the unnecessary and unneeded worry about “what if” only spoils the joy of living in the present. When I completely learn this lesson and stop worrying about a secret, midnight, zombie attack, I’ll let you know. Laters.