Easy Button

When I started my job, part of my job description was to “disseminate the mail.” This made me more nervous than it should have; partially because I wasn’t sure exactly what disseminate meant (though I thought it meant to give the appropriate person their mail) and partially because it sounded really hard.


Come to find out, I am an expert disseminator. We only have three people in the office, so dissemination is generally quite simple and I caught on pretty quickly.

Today, a friend remarked about feeling that everything was aligned for her and how she felt at peace for the first time in a long while. I like that. Sometimes life sounds complicated or confusing, but then you find that it is really just sorting things out. Laters.

Lunch Is On Me

I have a friend who post things for his status like, "life is a highway and I want to ride it all night long." And I think, "huh?" Cause I don't think that things like that are funny. To me, funny is wearing your underwear inside out or having toilet paper stuck on your shoe and only realizing it when you take them off at 9 o'clock at night. I am sick, I am twisted. I am not amused by song lyrics.
I think things are funny that shouldn't be, like for instance, the lady who unpacked her lunch today on the train from one bag to another. She had 3 cans of Vienna sausages, a jar of peanut butter, a bottle of diet Coke and an unopened Costco size box of Oreo's. That is funny. If you are gonna die of a heart attack, I say it should be with Oreo's and little weenies. Plus, to unpack a lunch like that and not even care what folks might think. I wanted to pat her on the back as I walked by.
Besides, everyone knows that diet Coke cancels out the calories of all the other stuff you eat, isn't that why people drink it? Laters.

The Lesser Of Two Evils

Why is no one else’s life as weird as mine? I can’t even begin to tell you about the day I had yesterday, but I will say that it ended with a beer and a hot bath. (Sorry mom that is a root beer to you) To those who don’t know, my mother has informed me that only mechanics and truck drivers drink beer-she as usual, is right.


Today, I think that a really old man either offered me a job or propositioned me. He sat too close and didn’t mind the proper space for leg room. He talked a lot about women with tattoos. He also remarked on my scarf as he told me he had interviewed a woman in the City who was wearing a similar one. Would you think that was a push for me to ask about the job and apply? Or just odd? I wonder what the job pays? Or how close he would sit if I got it? Laters.

Jack Handy

Sometimes things don't need to be said, only felt and experienced. Sometimes you soak up the sun, sometimes you sit in the darkness. And you don't need anyone to tell you which time it is; cause you just know.
Sometimes life is a big, stinking mess, and sometimes it is so beautiful that you can't even breathe.
Some lessons I have learned have been terrible, and some have been wonderful, but I never wanted to experience any of them again. I always wanted something different, and only now, can I appreciate both the broken road and the mountain top. 
Laters.

Today I felt like a cross between this.........

and this................

I also ate a fair amount of these and none of my clothes fit.

PMS I love you! Laters.

Thursday

A poem that I like. Laters.

For My Daughter in Reply to a Question

by David Ignatow

We're not going to die.
We'll find a way.
We'll breathe deeply
and eat carefully.
We'll think always on life.
There'll be no fading for you or for me.
We'll be the first
and we'll not laugh at ourselves ever
and your children will be my grandchildren.
Nothing will have changed
except by addition.
There'll never be another as you
and never another as I.
No one ever will confuse you
nor confuse me with another.
We will not be forgotten and passed over
and buried under the births and deaths to come.

Somebunny Love Me

Last week, I experienced the love of the bunny. Let me explain. When I am walking to and from the train, there is one yard I pass, in which lives a tiny, brown rabbit. On special mornings, the bunny waits for me to let me know that all is right with the world. The best time to see the bunny is early in the morning when the grass is all dewy and picturesque. There the bunny sits, eating grass, its nose twitching wildly. Sometimes I stop to say a quick hello, and sometimes the bunny hangs around for an extra second or two before dashing off in a brown blur.
I admit it-simple things make me happy. But if you really want to know, I really think that bunny is just God waiting around to say hello and have a good day. Laters.

An Apple A Day Or More

When I was a kid, on fall days, I often came home to the smell of baked apples hot from the oven or homemade fudge hardening on the white plate used for such officious occasions.
Baked apples were my favorite, in fact, I loved them. There was, it seemed to me, nothing better in the entire world.
Feeling the nip of fall in the air; for lunch I made homemade potato soup and a big pan of baked apples.
My son opened the oven and said, "Gross, what is that?"
Love it seems, does not equal the same thing to each person. Laters.

Tio

My uncle used to sing a song that went something like this, "I don't care if it rains or freezes, as long as I've got my plastic Jesus, sittin' on the dashboard of my car." I can't remember the rest of the words and I'm not sure if it was a stab at God or Catholics, but it was so blatantly sinful that I always got chills of pleasure/fear when he sang.
He was a wild one, my uncle, always out with different women, carousing the bars and honky-tonks, the epitome of an old country song. My mother always suspected that he read Playboy and thus, she didn't like us to go into his cramped, smoky apartment for fear that a magazine might be in plain sight. He ate vast quantities of food and always called my mother "Judy Blue," and she liked it, but would never, ever admit it. He was so different from the rest of the family that I couldn't help but think he was amazing. He kept Grandma Vera on her knees; praying urgently for his salvation, and then one day, just like that, he turned on to Jesus and settled down to be a deacon in his church. Life is funny like that.
Maybe he wanted Jesus all along, but didn't know how to find him. Laters.

Look Both Ways

Who Will Play Me In The Movie?

I dread this day all year. The day I go to Costco, get into the check-out with my grocery barge, and only then, find out that my membership is expired. Paying fifty dollars for nothing goes against the grain. I know that it is technically for something, but it still feels like nothing to me.

My excursion tonight went something like the following play. Laters.

Checker- character should be young and pimply, he should also be scratching his leg madly, enough in fact, to worry shopper that an infectious disease could be spread to her groceries

Shopper- should be harried and unable to find her Costco card in her voluminous purse, with an overstuffed cart and three children in various stages of shopping boredom.

Checker- "your card is expired, do you want to renew it?"

Shopper- "expired? as of when?" (shopper should denote surprise- even though they knew this day was coming)

Checker- "August 31st."

Shopper- "Argh!!!! (shopper should violently express futile frustration)

Checker- "Do you want to renew it?"

Shopper- "Well, I do I have a choice?" (shopper tries to be funny, hoping they can get away with it just this once)

Checker- blank stare

Shopper- "yes" (shopper should again emote loads of futile frustration and also utilize exasperated body language)

Happy Birthday To Me!

Today is my birthday. I don't feel old though. I had a really good day and I am expecting more fun tonight when K and I go out to dinner.
I had so many good wishes sent my way today, that I actually got teary eyed. Sometimes you forget that you have such good friends and friendship is always something to be reminded of.
The weirdest thing happened; the lady at the nail salon wanted to feel my boobs to see if they were real because I told her how old I was. I told her they were and it was simply a good bra and that anyone could get that. She and her friend then conversed in rapid fire Korean. I don't know what they said, but by the hand motions, miming throwing your boobs like a sack over your shoulder, I felt that despite the language barrier, we shared a kindred spirit about our saggy spots and the benefits of good foundational garments. They tell me how great I look every time I go, so personally, I think it might be a ploy to get a better tip, but I take the compliments however they come.
The best part of the day was when I tried on jeans at the store and they all fit! Then, I had to make the choice about which pair I wanted instead of being forced to take the pair that would fit my rump. You can bet that never happens so I am chalking it up to the birthday magic. Laters.

The Muffin Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

This my grandma Vera, wearer of pleated skirts, who bequeathed of all the lushness that is my figure. She played a mean country guitar and told amazing stories. This is my papaw Everett, who always let me honk the horn in his semi-truck when he drove by our house. The neighbors always loved this. Especially at six in the morning.
I have only just realized that my penchant for cupcakes is hereditary. Have you ever had Grandma Vera's muffins? No? Well, come on over and I'll make you some. My cupcake/muffin fetish started early, and she alone is to blame.
I love this picture, when they were young and had experienced no sorrow. I think they look very happy together. Laters.

This is Sher's first day of 2nd grade. She is the cutest girl at the school.


This is Sher and her daddy. Dad is concerned 'cause the are cute boys in her class. Daddy says Sher can date when she is 40. We'll see how that goes.


This is me and Sher. I love her so much and I think that she is awesome and super smart. She thinks that I should stop taking pictures.

FYI- The boys are too cool for school pictures now. Boo to them. Laters.