If there is one thing my husband and I are great at- it’s communication. We discuss our kids, jobs, social events, world happenings, thoughts and feelings. We hit all topics and over the years, we’ve worked out some pretty big issues like parenting, staying together, goals and dreams by always honestly communicating. Most Saturdays we can be found, running errands, spending time together and the conversations flow like water, we text, tweet and IM each other throughout the day; discussing the trivial and the important. We have family dinners and talk with the kids about the world, grades, and the upcoming zombie apocalypse. (The boys are convinced it’s gonna happen) And when we’re alone, I never run out of interesting topics like whether I should try laser hair removal and he always listens and adds some convo of his own like how I should jump on the Knicks Jeremy Lin bandwagon.
Then this happens, the awkward Valentine Day lunch, the night away at the bed and breakfast, the weekend dinner out alone and we look at each other like a spinster and a bachelor, desperate for love, who met online and really don’t have anything in common. We have NOTHING to say. It’s like the pressure to be romantic overwhelms us and we are frozen into two crash test dummies. Does this happen to anyone else?
Stilted conversation, long pauses, out of our element and I scramble my brain looking for a topic, any topic to talk about, some common ground but it’s like we are two strangers. Our V-Day lunch was brilliant, discussing how good the food was, I mean it was good, but I think saying it once or twice was enough. We both tried to foster conversation and it went smoother than other times, but it was still rough, and I consider us both excellent conversationalists.
Last night, back at home, we had a delightful evening. (except for the part where he watched basketball, but that’s a story for another time) We danced, had wine, ate cupcakes, shared chocolates with the kids, and it all felt right. I felt like me and he seemed like him and conversation was good.
Is it the pressure to be romantic and sexy that makes it not? If so, I propose no more “planned” nights or buying into forced romantic holidays, just "off the cuff" weekends away, no pressure dinners, and long walks on the beach… but let’s say we won’t call them dates. Laters.
Yes! I especially feel this if we've gone through the trouble/expense of hiring a babysitter. Too often we wind up spending most of our time talking about the kids, which is supposed to be what we're getting away from!
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