Deep Thoughts 3.756

Sometimes I feel that I am receiving so much divine guidance that I can hardly comprehend it all. On those days the sun shines a little brighter, I approach tasks with confidence; I make firm and wise decisions. I am kind to my family and take joy in the smallest things. (My clothes also fit looser, but that could just be wishful thinking)

I really, really love those days. But some days, I get nothing. No inspiration, no motivation, and I feel a like a useless lump in general. I know that divine spark is missing and I feel like I can’t operate without it.
After some serious consideration, I have come to a couple of conclusions, the first being that I wish God would speak steadily and constantly to me instead of giving me huge insights in spaced intervals. Does that make sense? I want to know all the time, and waiting for the days of inspiration is hard for me. On the other hand, one thing I have realized about God is that he generally operates in ways that seem crazy to me.
The second option, is that God does speak constantly and steadily to me, but I just choose not to notice. I have also realized that the second that I stop caring about people, or looking for positive ways to interact with my friends and community, that is often the second that I feel lost and alone. If I were tracking it, I would say that PMS and my inability to hear God’s voice often coincide on the same week, but that is neither here nor there as long as I have a bag of Lays.
I have known people who wouldn’t be taught, who always thought that their way was the only way, people who have refused the counsel of both friends and experts; people who have no room to grow in life, because they are too important in their own minds. I have learned that if I am not growing, learning, wrong, challenged, discontent, inspired, or searching; I might as well be dead. Life is over if you are not learning. My prayer for the week has been that I would be aware and present in my life. That I would learn from my mistakes and always be a willing student, graciously valuing lessons learned and looking for ways to apply those lessons to future endeavors.
Remember, this is a prayer not an accomplishment. I am still learning. Laters.