I hate the fact that I have what I like to call, "Grandma Vera" thighs. My grandmother was not a petite woman and was very fond of the all–in-one girdle from Sears. The all-in-one girdle is designed to compress you from boobs to thigh, reminiscent of a sausage being stuffed into its casing. Fond childhood memories float around in my head of her routine to put the girdle on; a collection of bizarre jumps and full body twists.
Not only was she blessed in the thigh department, but in the bust and rump as well. She was also fond of pleated skirts which are another story, but suffice it to say pleated skirts are not often flattering to the zaftig figure.
My mother's mom was genetically blessed with a perfect pot belly.
I have fortunately inherited all the above, belly, boobs, butt and thighs. Which I figure is a strictly unfair genetic coding.
Skinny jeans are a nightmare, so are cute spaghetti strapped summer tops, and slinky fabric that clings perfectly to the belly I want to hide.
On the positive side, I am strong and healthy. My thighs carry me gladly to all the places I need to go, my belly is full at night, my butt has good padding for the bleacher seats, and I experience no difficulty filling out the tops of formals and swimsuits.
Just to see how I look, I am thinking about investing in pleated skirts and possibly a sturdy girdle. Laters.
Although not particularly fond of your frequent body sel-depreciation...this is a fab and funny post. "On the positive side, I am strong and healthy." LOL
ReplyDeleteThat was pretty funny.. but you don't have any of the above problems. You are cute and little. :)
ReplyDeleteLove it your mom and I were laughing out loud- especially loved the visual of Vera getting into her girdle! I miss you! Wish we could do lunch... at a wine bar.
ReplyDeleteJacinta, puh-lease! Don't make me come hurt you - you are perfect! Your blog is very cute, though - and the girdle thing reminds me of a couple I once knew. The man was a hopeless romantic, always showering his wife with flowers, chocolates, perfumes, etc. She, on the other hand, was proud of the fact that she was a very practical person. So she would always gripe about the gifts he gave her - and was vocal about the fact that she'd rather have a gift that was useful. The next special occasion that came up - he gave her a beautifully wrapped package... with a girdle inside. When she gave him a "look", his comment was, "Well you SAID you wanted something you could use... so there ya go!" ha!!
ReplyDeleteokay that comment above (and this one) are from esther whitmore. i don't know what i'm doing here. lol
ReplyDeleteHaha...I do miss Grandma and her girdle! I was sitting in a resturant the other day talking about muffins and started sniffling! Aside from all that, your blog is great! ~Mary G.
ReplyDeleteIf only I had your figure - you are absolutely blessed. I don't have the good fortune of knowing my grandmothers, however the genetics that I got don't even fit in a girdle. Excellent writing - hope you have a book started.
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